Broken

Well, i dont watch much tv anymore. however i do stil watch house,that is dr house. he plays a crotchity old doctor. sometimes funny sometimes pathetic. tonights episode for the opening season was titled, Broken. i hope a lot of people watch it. it certainly was interesting. funny, sad, first one emotion then another. it made me cry it made me laugh. gee thats pretty much me at times. just dont take much to switch my moods. either im happy or sad. or just dont give a shit. lol. but i would be willing to bet most people get that way. sometimes i wonder if were all not "BROKEN" in some way. why is there cancer? why is there mental illness? why do some get it and some dont? god only knows. thankfully most people handle lifes day to day problems well. for those of us that dont, there are drugs. lol thank god for drugs. thank god for family, friends, and the internet. those things keep me sane more so than drugs. but drugs help. now im talking prescription drugs of course. though if marijuana were made legal here in good ole WV, hell ya i would buy it. im in a "mood" tonight. to quote a friend. life gives us all sorts of things to deal with. some good, some not so good. i have had lots of good and i have had lots of bad. so have others. i have a friend, gail, who recently found out her cancer is back. why? who knows. maybe one day mine will be too. who knows. i hope not. but i always wonder why. why some and not others. why not me? yeah i always wonder that. no one knows. no one will ever know. and why sadness and depression. have you ever thought that there is just one thing that can happen to make another person come completely unglued. one thing is all it takes. one singl event. or one action. or one word. and suddenly your head turns inside out. how do you recover from something like that. how do you overcome it. another who knows answer. for each person its different. some run away. some pretend it didnt happen. untill another event sets them back into that otherly world of omg im nuckin futs. i think we have all had those times in our lives. when we wonder, whats wrong with me? why did i do that? why did i say that? god help me cause i dont know. but most of us are able to step back and think about it. see it from a different standpoint. try to figure it out in our heads. somehow make it right. make it so that you can understand it. in your mind at least. maybe others dont. i think we all have times that were weak. mentally and physicaly. though we dont like others to know it. we try to handle problems from within ourselves. and hopefull for most that works. because if it dont, others end up getting hurt by that one thing. just that one thing. i like to think that there are happy people and sad in this world. so the next time you are so blissfully happy. there is someone somewhere who just got told they have cancer. someone who found out there child was just killed in a car wreck. there are both ends to the scale of emotions. why do some people suffer to protect others. a mother who goes without so her children can have better things. people who love each other but know they cant share that love. because others would be hurt. why is there so much pain? is it any wonder the world is such a mess. so anywho, just my thoughts for the night. all brought on by dr. house. lol. i really hope that when people watch this show they see it as a life learning experience. that you grow from it. that you learn there is more in this world than what you want. its more important to have what you need. i mean really it is. love and happiness is what its all about really. true friends are hard to find. honest ones that is. oh well enough of my mood for one night. just want to say i love my friends and family. have a great life folks. padiddle, Robin

follow up mammo

well gee 6 months sure goes fast. especially when its summer and your having fun. lol,,, i had my follow up and got the results. no signs of cancer. yaaaaaaaaa for me. woooo hoooooo... well thats all good then. except that my first cancer didnt show up on the mammo. oh well. so life goes on. and for me its a great life. with wonderful friends and family. speaking of family. i have adopted a brother. lol,,, his name is charles, otherwise known as PRARIEDOG. i love him to death. he is a very special friend to ben and me both. having PD here has kept me busy this summer. he is so smart and very funny. also infuriating at times. but then i am not easy to get along with at times. so its all good. PD and ben built me a new deck. oh its so nice. thank you guys so much. well its time for school to start. geesh the kids are growing up so fast. cass will graduate from high school next year. jeremiah is in middle school now. man am i getting old. but i love those kids so much. there great kids. angie divorced D this summer. she is living on her own for the first time in her life. im very proud of her. her and the kids are doing great. so winter is coming and i hope its mild. i hate the cold. and ben and pd both have to work out in it. it sucks for them and others who have to be in the cold.i hope they stay warm enough. well thats about all i know for now. in april i will be going on my 5 years cancer free. hope it stays away. see you all soon. if there is anyone reading this that might have cancer. i wish you luck and just know there is life after cancer. trust in god and enjoy every day your given. love and happiness to all,padiddle, Robin

just another mammo

well its been a year since my last post. mammo time again. i went monday feb. 16th. it went well very quickly and no extra film was needed. on the 20th i got the results. wouldnt you know, they see someting. it appears to be non cancerous. but, they want a followup in 6 months. well thus is the life. doesnt surprise me at all. im not gonna worry about it. in the mean time. im feeling great, getting on with life as a cancer survivor. i bought a treadmill. have been trying to walk a mile 3 or 4 days a week at least. im really surprised that i can. i figured it would make my hips or knees hurt, but remarkably my joints feel better. i was doing so good the first month i lost 8 pounds. then i started feeling bad my bp was a little high. so i eased up on walking. then ben got sick and passed it to me. some sort or tummy bug. i didnt walk for at all for a week. now im back to walking i hope i can keep it up. i really feel so much better when i walk. oh and a quick word about the holidays. we had a guest for christmas. prariedog is a truck driver. he had a run to southern wv just before christmas. so since he was that close we asked him to spend the holidays with us. he parked his truck at our super walmart. it was so good to share our holiday with him. at least he wasnt alone like so many other drivers that haul cross country. everyone needs friends and family and especially on holidays. he was perfect gentleman and not a bit of bother. we loved having him with us. everyone should apreciate americas truck drivers they do a lot to keep us in our necessaties that we use in our everyday lives. everything we use is brought by truck to our stores. where would we be without them. its not an easy life being a truck driver they dont get paid near enough for all they do. my family is great as always. love you all a bunch. ben, angie, cass, and bud, you make my life so happy and full. till next time world i wish good health and happiness to all. padiddle, Robin

I DODGED ANOTHER BULLIT

Well a few weeks ago i had the surgical biopsy. Its healing well. Today i went to the surgeon for my follow up visit. She said the pathology report says its not cancer. Its fat nacrosis. Which she says is caused from the my previous surgery. Now correct me if im wrong, but wont this biopsy surgery cause more of the same? Well duh, looks like im screwed. But I am alive, so that over rides screwed. HAHA. Well thus is the life of a cancer survivor. And i can live with that. The operative word here being, LIVE. You see, i like living. In general, though my body is not exactly whole anymore. I am a happy girl. And thats whats important. So if there are any readers out there that may have cancer, just know that there is life after cancer. And though it took me a long time to believe that, and trust me it did. Its so very true. I mean i have great friends and a wonderful family. My grandkids are wonderful. And my daughter is a GEM. My husband is wonderful too. I love them all so much. I really do have a new and better way of looking at things now. Having cancer has given me a new and wonderful appreciation for life. And at first diagnosis believe me there was nothing good or wonderful about being told you have cancer. It ripped my world as i knew it apart. But now, almost 3 years after that diagnosis, i can say that i truly say that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. So, knowing i have definately dodged another bullit, i am so happy with my life that i have now. So thank you lord for your wonderful presence in my life. And i know you got me through. So for now everyone. Until the next reason i have to write about another experience in my life, and im sure there will be another one, be happy people.
Padiddle

WHO SAID IT WAS A WONDERFUL WORLD?

Was that me? Hell yes it was!! And i meant it. But they say shit happens. Well indeed it does. I ended last week with my 6 month follow up mammogram. That was the most painful one i have ever had. It was a different tech this time. My nice sweet pregnant lady was on maternity leave. And by george this new one tightened the vise. Dang it hurt. I even bruised and i have never bruised from a mammo. Well anyway it was done and over with. Well wouldnt you know they called me back in for more pics. Just like the last one 6 months ago. So i think, again, this is the life of a cancer survivor. Just extra precautions because i have a history. So i went and had more pics taken yesterday. And it was a different lady but she was very gentle. No problems. Well that was till today. My cancer doctor called. Seeing his name on the caller ID of course i knew. Well i have to have a biopsy. And i honestly think, though at this point im in a panic anyway, but i think he wants me to consider a mastectomy on my only surviving breast. Well anyway he is gonna call the surgon and make me an appointment. At the very least another biopsy. Im sure it will be a complete removal of the are of concern. At this point im keeping my breast. Thats just the way it is. So we wait. Yet again. And Pray yet again. Of course i havent quit praying. Maybe slacked off a bit. But i guess i allowed myself to get to comfortable in my own skin. Just goes to show you, you cant take life for granted. So much for my wonderful world. It just came crashing down around me. But maybe im in a panic for no reason. Do you think i could be that lucky? Well i sure hope so. Cause i dont know if i can do this again. Im so emotionally drained. I just dont have the strength. So im gonna try my best to think positive. So for now i will continue to live and love and go on. Somehow, just go on.I dont know how to end this post on a happy note. I just have to stop writing till the next one. So Padiddle!!!!!

What A Wonderful World

Hello World, Well it has been a wonderful summer for me. The best i have had in 2 years. I had my annual mammogram last month. I was really dreading it for 2 reasons. One being that it was my first after my reconstruction and i was worried about pain, and 2 because, just because. So when the day came it went well actually. We did it and when the nice young pregnant lady went to look at the results as i waited before i could get dressed. But she came back and said i could get dressed and go. Yaaaaaaaaaaa i thought. Thats overwith. Then a few days later they called. I needed to come back for more pics the doctor saw something. So when i got there i asked her if she new what he saw and she let me read the report. All i could really get was 2 areas of what appeared to be calcifications. So we took about 6 more shots and she checked them and said i could go. So it was overwith again. So now i wait. Well when i get the report in the mail it said no apparent signs of cancer but he recomends a 6 month recheck. So i guess thats the life of a cancer survivor. Waiting, hoping, and praying a lot of praying. Well my daughter and me decided we wanted to take a little trip. When she was young we lived in Edinboro Pennsylvania for a few years. And in the summers we ewnt to Lake Erie which to us was like an ocean, since neither of us ahd ever been to an ocean. She wanted her kids to visit there. So we planned the trip. But we had another plan that we kept from her 9 year old son, Jeremiah. We had a friend that lived near a museum. It was called Tyred Wheels Museum. And they just happen to have a 1969 Dodge Charger that had been renovated to look like the General Lee from the Dukes of Hazard. Now my grandson jsut happened to be a huge Dukes fan. He has seen most of the shows on DVD. And loves that car. So we made that our main goal. To take Miah to see that car. So we left early on a sunday morning. We got close to our destination when we found a place to eat lunch. After we finished lunch there was a bunch of pamplets aobut things to see and do in the area. So angie picked up a couple things. And in the car she jsut happen to let a paper fall out of the book, which we recieved in the mail from the friend in Pa earlier. She showed it to Miah and it told all about the 5000 antique toys and cars and trains. Of course he wanted to go there. So we proceeded in hte direction of Tyred Wheels Museum. When we got there I saw the car in question sitting in the front yard so i pulled up there. His mom had her camera out and said "Miah whats that orange car there?" We had put the windows down and the people there could hear him carrying on about the General Lee. Man he was one happy boy. So we parked and met the friend that made this all possible and his girlfriend. SawdustJohn and Julie. They were both so nice and sweet. John went on about how he could hear miah in the car when he saw the General. So since the weather was warm Miah actually got to go for a ride. His mom in the back seat filming said he was speechless for the first time in his life. At one point the car backfired and Miah said "that didnt sound good". Ha Ha that boy. Then his mom said can i get a big hee haw. Man he gave the biggest heee haaww i ever heard. It was a dream come true for that boy. And us too. So we went inside and looked around after his nice ride. Its a beautiful place in the country. We had a wonderful time. So then we proceded to go on to the rest of our destination. We stopped in Edinboro to see where we use to live and drive around a while, then on to erie. We went to the hotel and rested for a bit then we drove to Presque Isle. Which is a penninsula out into the lake. The kids loved that and we got to take a sunset cruise on a quite large boat named The Lady Kate. We got some wondrful sunset pics. And the weather couldnt have been nicer. All in all we had a wonderful time. It was so nice to get away. So as you can see my summer has been fun filled. Finally i was able to enjoy it. So this is the life of this cancer survivor. living and loving life. And i never stop praying for continued good health. So i dont know when i will post again. I guess when i have something to talk about. untill then, blessings to all, Padiddle

Life is good

hello world, well spring has sprung. Finally. Easter flowers are up the trees are budding and the weather is terrific. and i feel better than i have for 2 years since this night mare started. yep i finally feel normal again. you know its funny but the pain i have had all across my tummy area from the surgery.it is finally gone. i dont know when it happened but it just dawned on me one day that it didnt hurt any more. oh man what a relief. finally to be pain free. i noticed that i can flop over in bed now instead of turning slowly. its so cool. man i almost dont know how to act any more.but looking forward to being able to get out side and do things. my past 2 summers have both been shot. first with chemo then with the reconstruction surgery. i was suppose to go back to my plastic surgeon but i canceled the appointment. he just wanted to talk about more surgery. and as good as i feel now there is no way i am gonna put my self through that again.it is just not worth it.i am getting to old to worry about little things . i have a life and i am gonna get on with it. i have put my family through enough. my husband and daughter were great through all this and i love them bunches. so we all can live a normal life now. just enjoy life. so for now i am gonna do just that. my next big thing is a mammogram the end of june and i will probably not post any more till then. so say prayers for a good out come for me. love and blessings to all.
Padiddle